Eeyore's Little Space

Reviving Routines

It's September, which means school is back in, the days are getting shorter and cooler, and it's time to get back into some forgotten routines. Like doing laundry and cleaning the house and doing the dishes and cooking supper! Oh - and getting off my behind and getting outside for a walk or run. There are running clinics starting in town in October, so hopefully I'll be able to join one of them. I have a 12 week plan to try and lose this weight. And it's going to involve being active everyday - which is where I usually fall off the wagon. I don't know why it's so hard to just get out there. If I got up and went the minute I thought about it instead of coming up with excuses for why I shouldn't go out, I'd be back and done before I would normally be finished making excuses!

Last weekend was WODII - a cottage weekend with some friends (22 of them) where we break into teams - signified by coloured bandanas - and compete in WOD Olympics. These events include flip cup (a fun drinking game), pool, kan jam, euchre, and foos ball. My team ended up winning the most medals and Jay and I won the foos ball - we both ended up on the same team and there was even an extra bandana for Roxy. Good times. Hence the rag-a-doos, Di.

Better get off here and start getting some stuff done - have a great September day.

Goin to the chapel.....

and I'm .... gonna get married.....

Yes folks, it's happened. J has proposed. I still can hardly believe it - but I think that's more my issues with self-worth. I'm trying to convince myself that I deserve this happiness!! I deserve this sparkly ring - it's not going to fade away and break and lose it's shine - it's real!

I'm very excited, but I'm also still a little bit crazy, so you'll forgive my ramblings.

Hitting the wall

On Tuesday night, or even Wednesday, I would have said life couldn't be better. Sunny days, reading on the deck. Completely relaxed.

Then yesterday happened. PMS. All of a sudden life couldn't be worse, I felt like a failure at everything, miserable, on the verge of tears at any given moment, depressed.

Today, I am going to try a recipe Mom sent me for a smoothie that fights PMS. Hopefully it works. If not, I'm sleeping until it's gone!

 

 

Let's try this again.

I've changed my mind-set. I'm hoping it makes a difference. I have taking things one day/one choice at a time. I am not beating myself up about poor choices, but hoping that I will always pause to make the best choice. It's hard.

Last night I went to hot yoga for the second time. We practice in front of mirrors. And it's hot, so you can't stand to cover up. My first session I set my intention to not have negative thoughts about my body as I was practicing. The first time I succeeded.  Last night, I couldn't help noticing how much I have let myself go. I tried to focus on my legs which have always been my best feature, but then all I thought was, no wonder they look good, look at the sheer mass they have to support every day. Then this morning for some reason all I could think about doing was sabotaging all my efforts by stopping at Tim's and getting timbits. I didn't, but why does my mind work like that? Why do I believe myself unworthy of wellness? And of looking good and being proud of my appearance? Can you imagine how amazing my life would be if I could just get through the 20lb weight loss? Looking back it will have looked like nothing - a mere 2-3 months of my entire life. Then I will be able to say, why did I wait so long?

So, one choice at a time, keeping my eye on the prize.

C

Real funny

Today I was bumming around, looking at my house which could almost qualify for an episode of "How Clean is Your House". I was thinking about people in my life who have died and wondering if God is laughing at the things we do when we're all just going to get old (fingers crossed) and die. I thought that maybe a run would jolt me out of this train of thought, so I changed, tied my shoes, got my music ready, and headed out. I was 2 songs in when I noticed a group of 4 ducks crossing the road. And not ducks like, ew ducks. Beautiful ducks. Ducks that belong to somebody. Well, a car came along - a fancy car with a man wearing a suit behind the wheel - and he didn't stop and wait for the last duck to cross the road. He hit it and decapitated it. Right in front of me. And the other 3 ducks turned around to go check on their friend. And I lost it. I thought - thanks God, real funny. I'm out here trying to forget about death and dying and you throw it in my face. I kept running though, and I even had to run back home past the poor dead duck. The other 3 were still lingering about, mourning I suspect.
So I'm sure you'll forgive me if I've texted J to pick up an extra bottle of wine for our date night tonight.  

One day at a time

January and February are difficult months for me. I'm not sure if this is self-inflicted or a legitimate issue. All I know is it feels real and it sucks. Last week was a challenging week in our house - and for me personally. I experienced my first death - meaning I was with someone as they passed. I didn't know how hard this would be. I guess I figured that given my experience with life and death on the farm I would be able to handle it and put in perspective, but the vodka soda I'm drinking means that it definitely threw me for a loop!! It sure is final, isn't it, death? One minute you're here, the next minute you're gone - who knows where. On Saturday night I had a fever and I thought for a couple days that when it broke I had reset - I was feeling on top of the world. Then it all came crashing down....how dramatic am I. But my mood tonight would indicate that I am not completely over my winter blues. Not to mention that this is a busy time at work - music festival plus report cards. Then there's the guilt of feeling sad for someone who you weren't all that close to, when the people who were close to them seem to be holding it together so much better than you. And my job - it just seems so pointless these days. I'm really not as bad as this seems - sisters/mom - don't be alarmed!! But I do feel like crawling under the covers for a very long time....maybe watching ice dance while I'm under there;) Wow - that is a sexy sport! Or maybe it's just Tessa and Scott who are sexy. Apparently they did date and it didn't work out. My prediction is they end up together if only for the reason that no other person could possibly compete with that connection!! Either way, they made themselves and their country proud last night that's for sure.

Okay - enough boo-hooing. However, it does feel good to get it off my chest.

Hope your winter is going better than mine --- hurry Spring!!

Changing your life is hard

This week past was probably the hardest of my diet/lifestyle change so far. By my mid-week weigh in, I was up 0.6lbs - not alarming, but not at all in the right direction. I figured it was due largely to the fact that my diet contained rice crispie squares this week. And the fact that I didn't drink any water. Last night we went out for Swiss Chalet dinner because we had a coupon set to expire. I had fries and a piece of coconut cream pie. I did not feel guilty about that for a second. Today was treats, and I stopped myself at a handful of cheesies. Didn't know how much I loved those things until about 2 months ago!! Then my afternoon at work exploded into some ridiculousness, I was tired from not sleeping very well last night and I started to feel down on myself. Then the mind goes to the place that says, well you already had pie this week, you may as well cheat again - go buy that bottle of wine and drink it! But the new me - the me-in-progress, channelled Valerie B and chose a different stress reliever instead of running to calories. I opted instead to make a flavoured coffee and to have it with milk. I'm going to get caught up on my soap and then go to Shoppers for a couple things....that I need of course.

Baby steps. One day at a time. We will make it!!

Week 2

Here are the stats for this week - but first, a wee story. I weighed myself 4 times this morning. If by mid-week I'm up, I will start looking for a new scale. After the 4th weigh-in I decided to record the lowest number for the ego boost alone. And, this is also extra motivation for staying on track and increasing my activity through week 3, as I didn't quite get that done this week. Okay - stats. 34" waist (from 35.5" on day 1) and 136.8lbs (from 143.2lbs on day 1). I was starting to feel a little discouraged today - like I won't be able to do this after all - and I'm not sure why. I'm not having any major cravings, I'm not feeling all that deprived, and I'm picturing myself skinny - well, slim. I guess it all comes down to, do I deserve this? The answer is, of course, yes, but for some reason I doubt that some days. Add to that the stress of life and I guess it's understandable that I would feel discouraged sometimes.

Tomorrow is the halfway mark in the 30 day plan. Then I'll re-assess and see where I'm going from there. I won't be at my goal after the 30 days, so I'll probably continue for another 2 weeks or so. Then I have to read the second half of the book about maintenance!! I'd really like to get out running again soon. Will try tomorrow - but no promises. I'm also supposed to be doing my Valerie workout or at least the 5minutes of daily abs. It's hard to be perfect!! ;)

 

Week 1 summary

So here are the results from week one. Weight - 139.2lbs. Waist - 34.5". Keeping in mind, starting stats of 143.2 and 35.5 and goals of 120 and 31.5. Am feeling quite proud of myself, however, the last time I tried this eating plan I lost 4lbs in the first week and then stopped with the program for some reason. So, I've been here before - the challenge is, can I continue for the next 3 weeks? I'm starting to picture myself at the finish line and that is a good motivator.

Other than that, life continues on as usual. Had a glass of wine with Jay on Friday night and it tasted great. Had my lindor chocolate ball on Saturday and it, too, was delicious!! Will try to continue to increase my activity and water intake levels throughout this week.

Hope you're all out enjoying the sun and snow!!!

Cheers,
C

Day 6

Today was by far the hardest day so far for a few reasons I can think of. One - period week. Two - should have gone grocery shopping 2 days ago, so not alot of food, therefore, no planning possible. Three - came home to an empty house and the whole "if a tree falls in the forest does it still make a sound" theory came into play. Took a deep breath, ate a fruit cup, and carried on. Didn't cheat, managed to get through grocery shopping without caving, and took the dog for a walk for 30mins. Not bad, I say!! I will be excited for a change of breakfast - trying to take the thinking out of this little diet kickstart makes for a mundane menu by day 7.